It’s raining faintly as Pam and Ralf Wolf enter The Cottage. There are a few pinpricks of water over the lenses of Pam’s glasses that catch the light as she turns to look behind her.

“I climb all over these mountains,” she says as she gestures to the hillside the entry faces, which is veiled in light mist.

You can believe it. Pam is spirited, with a nervous energy about her. She loves to garden and goes bushwalking one day per week, when she can.

The Cottage plays a big part in that. Just a 5-minute drive from the Uniting AgeWell Community Hub in Rosny Park, The Cottage is part of Southern Tasmania Community Services. It offers social connection activities such as healthy lunches, outings and even arts, crafts and music.

That’s why Ralf is here today, driven and escorted by Pam. On Thursdays, he is picked up by coach and spends time here for lunch, dessert and a good chinwag with his friend Roger.

Ralf is twelve years older than Pam and unexpectedly, she has become his wife and carer. It is a change in dynamic that has required adjustment.

The hours that Ralf comes to The Cottage to be with his friend, are now hours where Pam can get some respite and refill her own cup.

“I care for Ralph and I do everything myself at home,” she says. “It took a lot off my shoulders, a great tremendous lot. I was responsible 24-7 and now we have more of a mixture of a life.”

Figuring out the mixture is tricky too. Ralf has been an extremely strong and active man until recent times. He was a wood cutter, worked the wharves in New Zealand and was a farmer raising cattle and selling potatoes for years.

He built all the stonework and posts for his rural property himself and often drove Pam all the way up to Maroochydore on caravaning holidays.

He was also very social. Pam and Ralf loved to go to parties and they particularly loved dancing. “Matter of fact we won a prize for it at the casino in Hobart,” he says.

Ralf doesn’t want to just stay at home and neither does Pam. Both have been fiercely independent most of their lives. Pam thought she would raise her two boys alone before meeting Ralf, who was a 57-year-old bachelor.

In every phase of their lives they have navigated change. From being very independent adults, to coming together to share a life and family.

Now, they’re understanding some of Ralf’s needs require dependence and some of Pam’s needs require the freedom to be alone. It is a lot for a loving marriage of 37 years to hold.

“I would like to be able to do more and be more supportive of Pam,” says Ralf. He is looking away, out to the back patio. “She’s the reason I can stay in our home of 24 years.”

Pam moves her hand to the arm of Ralf’s chair. She explains that the difference The Cottage makes to their lives is simple but specific. Space to breathe.

“I’m a bush lover,” she says. “When I come home from bushwalking, I can turn around and do more than a whole day’s work. It just unloads you.”

With support from The Cottage team, Pam and Ralf are learning there are even more support options they could be accessing to live in their own home for longer.

The opportunity to discuss them together with aged care professionals that they trust offers real peace of mind.

“Age is hard work,” says Pam “and I’m fussy about how I do things.”

Caring for a loved one can be complex, but there is local support to help you live well on your own terms. Uniting AgeWell’s Rosny Park Community Hub will be hosting Come and Try events throughout May where you can connect with services available to you in Southern Tasmania.