It’s called the Taboo Café – for a very good reason! It’s a safe place to talk freely and openly in a supportive, non-judgmental setting about the difficult topics that feel taboo for many people. Like death, what it physically feels like to die, suicide, preparing wills and power of attorney, and more.

It’s been running for nearly two years at Strath-Haven Community in Bendigo, and Chaplain Penny Blackwell says it’s making a difference to the residents who attend.

“It’s led by the residents,” explains Penny. “I will start with a poem or a few words and then they take over. They talk about things, ask questions, often bare their souls. The discussion often goes off course and where they want it to go. It’s deep stuff, and it’s important.”

It’s held around three times a year and runs for about 90 minutes. A group of residents sit in a quiet spot with a cuppa and swap thoughts, air concerns and share deeply.

Penny says most of the conversations revolve around death. “This makes sense,” she says. “At this age they’re at the pointy end of their life. Death is something we all face, it’s inevitable. It’s nothing to be feared. It’s important for people to talk about it if they want to.”

Penny says judging by the feedback from those attending, the sessions are making a difference. It stands to reason. The residents mostly come from the generation before the Baby Boomers, known as the Silent Generation. This is generally defined as those born between 1928 – 1945. They are considered a stoic generation whose lives were impacted by war, the Great Depression and hardship, who just got on with life.

Added to this is the concern that many residents feel about ‘upsetting their families’ by talking about death and other hard topics. “It’s often easier to hide behind pleasantries and chat about the weather and the footy,” says Penny. “It also requires finding the right time to bring up more serious topics with a family member or even a fellow resident. We certainly encourage residents to have these conversations with their families, but let’s face it – it’s difficult to go from laughing about a TV show to discussing cremation.”

Penny says while death is the main topic of conversation, the name ‘Taboo’ opens it up to whatever the residents want to discuss. This could include childhood trauma, family dynamics or break-ups – anything they would like to talk more deeply about.

Penny says by and large, religion or spirituality has not featured much in these discussions. “But if it does, then that’s absolutely fine too,” she says. “Some may have strong faith, others may be atheist or agnostic. They may find spirituality in nature or in music. What matters is that they are welcome to speak freely about what is in their hearts with those who care for and accept them just the way they are.”

Penny is passionate about continuing on with the Taboo Café – just as she is about her Chaplaincy. She’s been in the role for three years.

“I live just outside Ballarat and when I applied for the job I thought ‘it’s ridiculous – it’s a 200km round trip to and from work,’ but I listened to my heart and took it anyway. I love making a difference to the lives of older people. I’m doing what I’m meant to be doing.”